Because Grace Chose Me

I can't remember exactly how long ago it was-a year or eighteen months- but I do remember the strident ringing of the phone that yanked me from a sound sleep in the middle of the night. There is something distinctly dislocating about an abrupt awakening and when my "hello" was greeting by sobbing, I definitely felt as if I were caught in a waking nightmare.

The voice on the other end of the phone belonged to someone who is most precious to me and I struggled to wake up, listen, grasp, and comprehend their words. To make a very long and ugly story short: someone had hurt my loved one- physically and mentally. Someone whom this person loved and trusted. I stayed on the phone until a friend arrived to help and then just as abruptly as I was needed, it was over.

Except it wasn't really. Because I now had my thoughts and feelings and fears to deal with; I had my emotions to sort out and, of course, my response to choose.

And choose I did. I thought. I relived that horrid, frightening call and remembered the pain and fear in my loved one's voice. I thought some more. Wasn't my choice obvious? I hardly had any choice at all. Someone, some wretched, cruel, WRONG, individual, had HURT SOMEONE I LOVED!

My mind was made up. If, and when, the opportunity presented itself, I would make sure that the person who had trespassed against what was mine to protect would answer to me. It was my right and certainly I was in the right; there was no doubt about that. Certainly it is reasonable to hold certain behaviors, and people by extension, as unacceptable.

Except my loved one chose to reconcile with their friend.

Huh.

Fine. I would accept my loved one, but NOT their friend. This wasn't a matter of unforgiveness; it was a matter of not condoning unacceptable behavior! Certainly, I was STILL RIGHT!

Time passed. The issue was tacitly avoided.

Until Easter. Blessed Easter! Beautiful Easter! "Jesus has Risen!" Easter!

There they were: my precious and her friend sitting in church. By mutual decision we managed to avoid each other.

Then came the news. They would be at Easter dinner. Hmmmm. I "had a little talk with Jesus". Actually, I did most of the talking and he quietly listened.

Me: I'm right! YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT! I'M ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! That isn't even a question! I'M RIGHT!! This person HURT my loved one! This person NEEDS to be held accountable! I am RIGHT and JUSTIFIED in doing so! When someone wrongs us, it is within our rights to hold them responsible! When someone willfully, purposely, intentionally sins against us and wounds us, we have every right to hold them responsible and accountable for their actions! You know I AM RIGHT! We can forgive but choose not to associate with them. We can forgive but choose to be wise. We can forgive but realize that they are bad and wrong for us. We are RIGHT to do so! YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT AND I HAVE EVERY RIGHT! I have every right to remind them of their sin. I have every right to keep it before them. I have every right not to forget lest they cause hurt again. I have every right because I was sinned against, not them! I have every right when someone betrays my trust to choose not to forget their sin! DON'T I HAVE THAT RIGHT?

Him: Yes, Jamie, you do. Just as my Father had every right.

~

Beloved, let me tell you something, Grace is a pain in my ass, because just when I've convinced myself I'm RIGHT:

Grace reminds me, not through a constant reminder of my guilt, but through a constant and continual love, that being forgiven negates my right to be right.

Grace teaches me that freedom is found in entrusting, not only myself, but others, to God.

Grace enables me to love and forgive others to the extent that I have recognized and accepted that I am loved and forgiven.

Grace is an affront to every act of self that I hold and protect and defend so vigorously.

Grace reproduces in me when I yield to his embrace.

Grace allows me to see the world through my Beloved's eyes, love them with my Beloved's heart, and embrace them with his forgiveness.

Grace gives me the choice to embrace him or my rights.

Did I have the "right" to hold a trespasser accountable, Beloved? Maybe. Probably. Certainly the Law would say so. The Law held us each accountable, did it not? But, gloriously!, I had the opportunity to see in someone else the reconciliation that God in Christ affected at the cross "not counting men's sins against them"; I had the choice to choose love because love had chosen me!

You see, what is knowing you're right compared to knowing Grace?

The choice was really quite simple.

Philippians 3:⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ—